They Are Coming For Us!

Being properly prepared for the robot uprising is all about planning. Where will you go to hide out? Will you have enough food, ammo, and other essential supplies to last a long robot siege?  Perhaps most importantly, if the robots have perfected synthetic skin, who will you be able to trust? The latter question is the  most frightening for me, because there are already so many groups of humans that can’t be trusted. I mean, if we can’t trust each other right now, how will we be able to identify robots acting as humans?

Throughout my robot resistance research, I have identified two groups of people whom we can absolutely not count on during the robot uprising.

Group number one: the Japanese.

This one’s a no-brainer. If you’ve read this blog before, you’ll know that the Japanese are the foremost contributors to robotics technology in the world. Their evilness knows no bounds. They made a robot baby for God’s sake.

Group number two: Hippies.

This one might be surprising. As you can see from the title of this post, however, it’s startlingly true! You see, hippies are known for two things: dirtiness and extreme detachment from reality. Operating under the delusion that all beings are created equal, hippies while away the hours in a cloudy haze of pot smoke talking about how robots and humans could like, totally live together, man. It’s this kind of ignorance of robot-human relations that caused this monstrosity to come into play.

Known as the “Hand of Man,” the robot installation featured in the above video was conceived at Burning Man, a wild drug-fueled “art festival” held annually in Northern Nevada’s Black Rock Desert. Apparently, it’s so easy to control that a 5 year-old child can operate it. Chilling, I know.

Just what in the hell happens when this thing decides to start operating itself? I’ll tell you what. Death. Starting with its very creators. That’s right, hippies. When the robot revolution comes, you will not be spared!